Saturday, August 31, 2013

Back to school woes

Everybody spent all their money on tuition and books this week.  Including me.

I need revenue.  Ha.  The information from my economics class is already sinking in.

So, I went to work tonight, and I'm lucky to have made money.  I didn't expect much since it's the beginning of Labor Day weekend - the worst weekend of the year for sales.  I'm in the trough.

I danced for a guy who had stinky booze breath.  He said he'd do a dance, so when we sat down, I was waiting for the next song to start.  To kill time, I usually chat up my customer.  I kid you not, and I've never heard this in my life.  After a few sentences, he said, "I'm done with interviewing today."

Oookay, I took the hint to shut the fuck up and just dance.  Screw waiting for the next song then.  You don't wanna hear me yap?  Look at my ass.  I thought he was a douche bag.

Another man fell in love.  He didn't want to buy lap dances because he wanted to get to know me outside the club.  Ugh, NO WAY!  I hate booze.  It makes men stupid, but not always with their money.

Another man who was into booties danced with another chick who looks just like me said she likes me likes me.  I can't believe customer gossip, though I would like it to be true.  She's hot.  But I feel like guys make that shit up a lot just because they're in fantasy mode.

I wonder how tomorrow will play out.  I hope it's not terrible.  It probably will be.  Or I'll meet a handsome money prince who will save my night.

Saturday, August 24, 2013

That's better... For me.

Tonight was a hit for me!  Hooray!  Pink is the best color for lingerie.  And neon shoes.

I might have a regular, I don't know.  I never believe guys when they say they're coming back again, that way it's always a pleasant surprise when they do return.

I think just about every person tipped more than what I expected.  Pure bliss for me, especially since I had a rough week financially, spending all my money.  Feels good to make a bunch back in a night.

And I still got Saturday tomorrow.  I'm hoping to kick ass again.

Happy Friday everyone, and a happier Saturday.  ;D

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Wednesday on a whim

I LOVE working part time.  But even for stripping, working part time means less money.

I got a lot of expenses coming up.  I recently bought a car, now suddenly I have no cash and everyone wants a ton of fuckin money from me.  That must be the summary of everyone's late August.

So I decided to put in a few hours on a very early Wednesday evening, around 5 p.m.  I forgot how creepy day shift guys are.  Creepy, however, still quality (financially).  When I came in, there were no guys in the club, and a handful of dancers.  No big deal, day shift is supposed to be slow, right?

My first customer I got within the first 15 minutes of working.  Some guy in a suit, apparently from Egypt.  He kept trying to push the limits, and then he tried to take a fucking picture of my ass with his cell phone without my consent or knowledge.  I heard the camera click and I told the guy, "I'm sorry, you can't take pictures." He didn't get a clear shot, it was mostly a black screen with a red blur.

Then he stopped getting dances, and I am pretty sure he left.  Probably because I wasn't falling for his stupid games.  Then I ended up doing a dance here and there for a few of the customers that trickled in for the next three hours.  Once 8 o'clock rolled around, I started noticing familiar night shift girls coming in.  Day shift is technically over at 8:30, but most day girls stay until 10:30.  But by 8, I could already tell the dancers were gonna heavily outnumber the two guys in the club.

Last night wasn't a complete waste of time, thankfully.  I'm not used to the longer conversations.  Since I can't just walk away and move on to some other guy, the fast hustle "wanna dance?" is useless when it's light out.  Some guys felt really entitled to just chat my fucking ear off.  One guy explained a part of chemistry that stumped the shit out of me when I took it years ago.  But I ran game a little better and got an extra dance out of it.  Hehe.  

I might do this again later today or I might just wait until tomorrow to kill it.  I gotta go pay some bills, now.  Depends on how cleaned out I feel afterward.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

August is a long month

It's such shit.  A lot of low quality guys, once again tonight.

Quit saying no! Omg!  I swear, some men NEED a little bullshitting.  On a few men, I lingered after I bugged for a dance because I feel I shouldn't give up so easy sometimes.  And on a few of those men, it did work, and they ended up spending money on me.

Another handful of men that have danced with me in the past were there tonight.  And they all made me wait over an hour to get a dance with me.  And one of them wouldn't shut up, I felt very stupid to hang around for as long as I did.  I broke one of my own rules and that's sitting around letting people ramble.  I hate to be rude.

We had a lot of new girls working tonight.  A couple of them were on stage with me, and they were working so fucking hard for such small amounts of money.  Full on spreading their legs wide open way too close to the hands of the potentially grabby tippers.  It's not my place to tell them dancing like that is not smart.

The last time I did a move like that on stage, some motherfucker grabbed my pussy with his entire hand.  My inner germaphobe went berserk.  I slapped the shit out of that guy and screamed in his face, "YOU DON'T DO THAT!"

When I complained to the bouncer, he looked at me like it was my fault and said, "You shouldn't have put yourself in that position in the first place." I was just trying to put on a show, but honestly, these guys don't deserve that good of a show for maybe a few dollars.  Even the best of stripper ninjas can't flip out of the way if they're laying down or bending over.

Speaking of bending over, my main selling point is my ass, because I got no tits.  So a lot of times, bending over in front of someone gets me tips.  But I learned I can't do this nude due to the fact PEOPLE TRY TO STICK DOLLARS IN MY CORNHOLE.  People are fucking pigs and I only say people instead of men because one drunk lady tried that shit, and that's when I stopped cutting females slack.  I don't even bother hustling them, unless they want me to.  I find that many chicks only come to the club to just see what the hell really goes on and the games don't work on them.

Anyway, even when I have my panties on, people try to stick dollars in the middle of my crack and I just want to jab them right in the face with my elbow.  Don't worry, I'm well aware that violence is not acceptable in the club.

There were a lot of young guys at the club.  I don't recall seeing many older men tonight.  Interesting.  All the kids came out to play before they go back to school.  A lot of guys I danced for were hot.  Fun.  Though some of them were total jackasses once they started talking.

I'm gonna go catch up on my rest.  I woke up uncomfortably early today.  Damn family.  I took a nap after a big dinner before work, and that really helped me get through the night.  But now I'm crashing and burning.  More news next weekend!  

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Scholarly dance

I wore a sexy school girl costume tonight.

Some guys were eating it up, others weren't.  The crowd was lame, again.  I hate running in circles looking at the same dudes that already said no, or later.  Fuck later.  If I leave, some other girl is gonna take his money.  Not what I wanna hear.  I'm incredibly impatient.  I try to hide it.

Some dude said I looked nervous.  Probably because I was full of energy not being used on dances.  I wanted to explode but no one was wanting to play.  

Making money was pretty hard.  I think every guy only did one song.  I hope I'm not getting sloppy.  I've been dancing as lazy as possible on stage.  Like, I leave a lot of dudes hanging when they put a dollar in their mouth and wait for me to put my boobs in his face for it.  Ugh, I'm so over it.  I have a leg garter.  It's where dollars go.  I don't mind the side of my panties, either.  But no more scratching up my poor chest for a measly dollar.  So many dudes don't shave, or wash their faces.  I used to get so much acne when I didn't know better.  Gross.  

I do my thing.  It helps keep my guard up, and take no shit.  I just move how I want, and I'm not hurting myself for anyone.  I see so many girls do such straining moves and I just want to tell them they really don't need to work that hard.  Now I understand if someone is making it rain, then it would motivating enough to bust out some hot moves.  Some guys are fucking scum and don't tip when I dance in front of them.  

Luckily I was patient and made steady, slow money.  I left early because I have to wake up early tomorrow.  Goodnight!

Edit: I completely forgot some highlights of the night.  

One good-looking guy wanted a black girl, and there was one girl sitting with a couple of young dudes and I had a feeling they weren't gonna spend on her, so I interrupted her conversation with the losers and told her to come meet someone.  I introduced them, and I let them be.  About half and hour later, I saw her still doing lap dances with him.  I think he treated her well, and I was psyched to have helped hook her up.  She was really nice to me earlier, so I was happy.  

Oh and there was another cute couple both in love with my ass.  Yes.  I love girls that don't act uptight, even if they're straight.  So I gave her a hot lap dance while she kissed her boyfriend.  I think I like doing couples, ha.  

Yep, I'm bi.  

Friday, August 16, 2013

Hot breath

Anybody else sweating when they go outside?

I have no stripper news.  I plan to work tomorrow.  I've been focused on preparing for college.  Going back for round two, this time for a more valuable skill.  I'm good at math.  Time to capitalize.

I wanna capitalize on some money princes tomorrow night.  Please, money gods, I need you all more than ever.  School is so much more expensive than it was two years ago.  :(

I wonder if a "back to school" hustle would work with older men.  I could play up my sexy student look.  Only one way to find out.

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Yep, it's August

Bad night for me.  Other girls were doing fine.  I failed.  Big fat F for tonight.  I could not make money.  I suck at hustling.

The weather is so hot my eyes sweat.  Trying not to admit I cried like a bitch.  I tried pulling myself together, but it was useless.  Every time I tried to not cry, I'd just cry more.  I thought I was strong enough to not cry because money is shitty, but I guess I reached my breaking point.

It didn't help to have a bunch of low-balling pieces of shit treat me like a piece of meat.  I just really hated my job tonight.  I couldn't handle the rejection, not tonight.

I'm on birth control pills, and today was my last reminder pill so I'm thinking the lack of actual hormones is why I couldn't stay emotionally centered.  Chemical PMS, probably.

There is always next time.  Ugh, I just hope I bounce back sooner than later.

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Refusing to fail

Oh boy.  Tonight was slooooowwwwww.

I've never seen so many moneymaking bitches sitting around so bored.  The crowd was super lame. 

Most of the night I was getting rejected.  But I persisted beyond my comfort level.  I came in a little early, and I stayed a little late.  I had to.  I made money really quick during my first hour, and during the last few.  

10:30 to 11:30 was great.  I didn't sell another lap dance until 3:00.  Sometimes that is how the night goes.  Working at the strip club is a true test of patience.  There were plenty of men who wanted to talk to me for free.  I had to cut a lot of conversations short tonight.  

I can't say anyone stood out tonight.  The last catch of the night said he was doing blues.  I didn't know those things were still around.  Unless the name changed on me, blues are a type of painkiller, opiate of some sort.  Weird.  I can't understand why people mess with them.  They just make me slow and sweaty.  But hey, everyone has a drug of choice.  To each their own.  He was spending so that made me happy.  

I hope tomorrow night goes well.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Free stripper noob guide

From yours truly, Bella Hack.

I could write a whole book trying to teach you how to not fail at stripping.

I have been in (mostly) and out of the lap dancing industry for almost five years.  Here are my boiled down lessons crammed into one post in effort to help newly starting dancers not make the same stupid mistakes I did.

1. Treat this like you would any other job.  You go in and out at a specific time.  Act professionally, follow the rules, and avoid slacking off.

I bet you weren't handed any paper that says "strip club rules" or tips on how to do well at this job.  No club offered me any formal training.  If you did get a list of rules or in-club stripper training, consider yourself lucky.

2. Do your hair and makeup before going to the club.  The dressing room is not as good as your own bathroom and it never will be.

3. Wear lingerie or dance wear that makes you look and feel sexy.  If you're not being sexy, you're not doing your job.  Do your job.  Look hot.

4. Make sure you have a pair of actual stripper heels.  Pleaser or Ellie brand are good choices.

5. When you leave the dressing room, it's time to shine.  Put on your confident face and look for prospective customers.  If you're auditioning on stage, move slowly and don't try anything you don't know how to do.  First impressions are crucial.  Get ready to schmooze.

6. Go for the big, easy money.  If your club sells champagne rooms, that should be your first suggestion whenever you talk to a customer.  Don't spend much time on chit chat.  The less time you spend chatting for free, the better.  Save the conversation for the time he pays for.

If your club doesn't have rooms and it's lap dances by the song, sell "package deals" for the time increment you think you can stand.  Some guys are total tools and are not worth more than one song, even if they want to continue.  But be creative and fair (to yourself) with your prices.

7.  Always ask for a tip when you finish a lap dance.  Last chance to get a bonus.  Better ask or you won't receive.

8.  Don't give out your phone number.  Be professional.  It is unprofessional to give your phone number out.  Tell them to come visit you at the club if they want to see you again so badly.

9.  During a lap dance, do not let guys break the rules.  If you let them, they will always think their misbehavior is okay.  It's not.  Speak the fuck up, you don't want to have to make the manager or bouncer come save you.  Try not to get into the situation in the first place.

10.  You booze you lose!  I really don't think I need to explain this.  I've regretted every night I got wasted at work.  How stupid and unprofessional.  I never made money on the nights I got drunk.  If I did make money, I didn't remember how.  Just don't drink.  If you do, limit it to three drinks and make sure you're not driving home.  Cops make so much money off DUIs.  Don't be a victim.

11.  Don't bring drugs to the club!  How awful would it be to have a bag of weed in your purse tucked away in your locker on the night the cops come in with dogs and raid your club?  Raids are real and they happen all the time.  Even if they were looking for worse things, you'd be going to jail with the junkies and prostitutes.

12.  Always have someone from the security staff walk you to your car when you leave.

13. Never, ever meet a customer outside the club.  A lot of girls bend this rule, and it usually bites back.  If you meet a customer outside the club, you are dealing this person without security staff to protect you in case he wants to rape you.  Other times, the man wants free attention or is willing to pay you to fuck him.  They are headaches that want to suck up your time.  Fuck that.  That is why you set aside time to work at the club.  

14. Track your income each night and set aside money for taxes.  This isn't a paycheck job where taxes are taken out for you already.  It's up to you to pay the man.  And if you don't pay and get caught, you either pay more later or go to prison.  Be smart, pay your taxes.  

15. Take care of yourself.  Work out regularly.  Get enough sleep each night... Or morning.  Eat the right foods.  If you disobey this, fat lists will be in your future.  It hurts to get called fat, especially if you're not.  No more splurging on sweets and fried foods.  Your job depends on it.

16. Build your non-dancing resume.  This isn't a bad career, but it's not a lasting one.  Always think about your future.  What do you want to do and where do you want to be in the next five, ten, twenty years?  This is a great job for women working their way through college.  I highly encourage college.  

That's about all I can think of for now.  I'll have a complete guide that I'm gonna sell for a lot less than the other stripping guides out there.  I think this is enough for now.  

Hope you newbies found this helpful.  Hope you readers found this somewhat entertaining AND informative.

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Crazy night

So many things out of the ordinary happened tonight.  I am a very lucky lady.

One of the ladies that works at the club got robbed.  I am so lucky it wasn't me.

I feel nervous, now.  I'm glad tonight was Saturday so I won't be back until Thursday night.  They better have tightened up the security by the time I return.

I had a fan from last night return to make it rain.  Well, his "friends" were sort of making it rain.  But they were being complete jackasses to me.  One guy kept slapping my ass with his thick stack of ones, and it hurt!  And of course EVERYONE wants to slap the fuck out of my ass when they see one person do it.  But I as I was cleaning up the pile of ones that I took too much abuse for, the guy from last night started bugging me for birthday sex.  Puke.  Ugh.  So after I gathered all the ones, I got off the stage, went to the bathroom to straighten out the bills and traded them out.  I deliberately avoided him because I was really sick of that conversation.  But thanks for the money shower.  Happy fucking birthday, now go home and jack off.

In other news, a tourist from California was smitten by my southern charm and he tipped me generously.  Then he introduced me to his girlfriend (I think?).  They both wanted me to give her lap dances.  Turned out it was her 18th birthday.  I made it a really good birthday for her.  She was writhing with pleasure as I grinded my booty up and down her pussy.  She also got to make out with her boyfriend while I did it.  This lap dance was so hot, some broke ass wanker was watching because I wasn't doing the dance in a private room, so I shot him a dirty look that hopefully sent a message sounding like, "Tip if you're gonna stare, perv."

I felt like Lilith from True Blood.  I was getting my dyke on hardcore, almost getting off to my own lap dance, sinking my teeth into the juicy fun my job can sometimes offer.  I love my job!  

And in other news, thank god for regulars, otherwise I would have sworn this was a shitty weekend worth skipping.  It certainly had the potential to suck.  There were a ton of losers that wouldn't budge when I asked them to dance, and a bunch of dudes sitting at the stage not interested in tipping.  So not fun.  Guys like them make my job hard.  Dear money gods, bring more hot bisexual 18-year-olds with rich boyfriends.  

Saturday, August 3, 2013

"One hour minimum"

That's what this Turkish guy kept telling me.  I was most definitely his type.  

I found this winner at the stage, and I began the conversation before the waitress even served him, even though we are technically supposed to wait for each customer to have been served by the waitress.  Oops.  But when it's busy, you can't keep up with every person that walks through the door.  How am I supposed to know this guy just showed up?  

Either way, the waitress approached him right after my first sentence which was, "Hey, would you like a lap dance?" 

I felt like I was coming off too strong too fast so I turned around to walk away, and he said, "Wait, don't get lost yet."

He expressed interest really quickly, so we got to the dances really quick.  He was a chain dancer.  Score.  But after each song, he got increasingly creepy.  At first he was admiring my ass, then my neck, then he started imagining what our sex life would be like if I were to be his wife.  

Oh boy, when you have been on vacation for a week like me, getting back into the swing of things can take a few days.  I didn't give myself any days to do that, and listening to this guy describe the way HE would like to have sex, and I kept laughing in his face every time he would say something completely wrong.  It was a bit draining to try to keep acting, but hey, I'm getting paid so I'll dodge propositions all night long til he gives up, because when guys think about sex, they don't wanna stop, and then they wanna manifest those thoughts into reality... With me... And I soo do not like having sex for an hour.  My pussy would be so raw and sore I'd kill him halfway through.  

He kept saying "one hour minimum sex with me every day."   Like I don't have a tight fucking schedule already.  But of course it's his fantasy, so I play along, but I am laughing every time he says it.  

I'm guessing that men get racist in the club since nudity is acceptable.  But this man mentioned he was Turkish, and that he is very brutal.  

My turn to be racist.  He did not seem to respond positively when I mentioned I was going to school. 

He did not take my rejection lightly.  He said he hated me when he handed me the money.  I think he would have hated me more if I had led him on because the whole time I dodged his propositions by saying that I'm a lap dancer only.  I feel like I'm doing them the favor.  Maybe I should just spoil the end by saying, "You go home and jack off tonight."

And tonight was wanker exploiter night.  I think everyone I danced for really tried to get me to fuck them outside the club.  Since it's rent week of the worst month of the year, the predators figured the strippers would be easy this weekend.  I wonder how annoying tomorrow night will be.  

Ya know what else is funny, is the 24-yo handsome young man headed to med school expressing mad interest in me repeatedly refuses to get a dance with me, and he STILL asked me for my phone number so that he could take me on a date.  And that poor sucker shouldn't have asked me that while I was WORKING.  I was so vicious with an icy rejection.  I even made fun of him while talking about him to my friend about ten feet away right after it happened.  I hope he learned that "you gotta pay to play... Stupid." 

Overall, the night was good for me.  I caught a few big fish and a few small ones, and I didn't have too long of a break in between.  I'm glad I stayed busy, because vacations are expensive.